Earning your first paycheque and balancing the many financial demands is challenging for any graduate. For those who are the first in their family to become a professional, there are even greater expectations and financial demands.

In this podcast Maya (@mayaonmoney) speaks to Akhona Modi, a financial planner at BDO, about both the practical and emotional aspects of meeting the expectations of family.

As Modi explains in the e-book A Collective Guide to Wealth Wellness, our unique history in South Africa means that many black families still face significant financial constraints. It is not uncommon to see family structures where extended family members live together in the same household, and where many of these people are not working and not contributing to the household’s finances.

As such, the principles of reciprocity and spotlight bias are in full operation. Many graduates who come from such backgrounds and family structures carry the responsibility not only of providing for parents, buy are also subjected to ad-hoc money requests from uncles, aunts or cousins. After all, the graduate would be fully aware of the sacrifice or contributions these people made in order that they could further their education.

“You feel emotionally compelled to give back to your family, including extended family. You feel like your family members are continually observing you and have an expectation that the financial situation at home should now improve,” writes Modi.

“You may be acutely aware of all these things and want to meet these expectations because, initially at least, it will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment. However, if it isn’t managed properly, this can become a huge emotional burden (where you start developing a ‘scarcity mentality’) and a deterrent towards a successful financial life, particularly as you start to build your own family.

“We need to be aware of this reality, because it does have a significant impact on how we view our financial lives and make financial decisions.”

Tips for a new graduate

All is not doom and gloom, however. Here are some tips that have worked for Modi himself, as well as others:

• Give yourself a break. You don’t have impose the expectations set by your family or society on yourself.
• Manage your parents’expectations in terms of how much you are willing to contribute each month to support them.
• Get comfortable with saying ‘no’ to the ad-hoc money requests from your uncles, aunts, cousins, and friends. Often these amounts seem small but they accumulate over time.

Click here for the free e-book A Collective Guide to Wealth Wellness.