Money is a big issue for many couples, so much so that it is the main cause of divorce. Yet finding an equitable way to manage the household finances is a bit like finding the holy grail.

The main issues for couples around money are: a discrepancy in the amount each spouse earns; different views the couple may have on how the money should be allocated; one spouse is a spender while the other a saver.

There are few married couples where both earn the same income. Invariably one spouse earns more and if they have children, the husband tends to be the main breadwinner as, in many cases, the wife has taken time off to raise the children or has chosen a career that allows her more flexibility. Moreover, women on average earn less than men. The Women in the Workplace research programme run by the University of Johannesburg found that women earn 15% to 17% less than men – to put that into perspective, a woman would have to work nearly two extra months to have the same income as a man.

This inequality is due to many factors, including that women tend to select careers that are in the caregiving sectors such as nursing or teaching, which are lower paying. Employers also view women of childbearing age as more likely to leave their employ so they are less likely to try retain them with higher salaries.

So, if one of you earns more than the other, especially if the reason is due to raising children, how do you create a household budget and investment strategy that is fair ‒ if you recognise that economic value is not the only value in a relationship.

An empowering strategy

One of the best models I heard about was a couple where the wife was a stay-at-home mom and the husband’s salary was divided equally between them. The wife received half his salary in her bank account and together they drew up and contributed towards their household and personal budgets as well as made their investment decisions.

This is a very empowering way to manage household finances for both spouses. It requires both partners to be aware of how money is spent and what provisions are being made for the future. This will lead to better decisions. It also allows for reasonable discussions about how money should be spent without negative power-roleplaying coming into the relationship.

This does of course only work if there is a household budget – as a couple you can see clearly how much is needed to meet your basic needs of housing, electricity/water, groceries, insurance etc. In this model you both contribute equally as you effectively both have the same income.

You can decide whether you want to invest together or have your own separate investment plans and goals (although I would recommend you do have a consensus on retirement planning as that is income that will be shared in the future). You can also allocate a portion of your income to personal spending where you can spend your money on the things that you enjoy and that your spouse may consider frivolous ‒ as long as the bills are paid and the retirement savings are on track.

Other couples divide the household expenses based on percentage of income. For example, if one spouse earns 30% of the total household income and the other 70%, they contribute accordingly for the joint expenses.

This of course requires trust and openness in the relationship, but maybe if you are unable to be open about what you each earn, then the problem is the relationship itself.

This article originally appeared in City Press.