Having a child doesn’t just shift your sleep schedule. It can shift your relationship with money and, quite possibly, with your partner.

Suddenly, you aren’t simply choosing between a holiday or a house deposit; your financial decisions will impact your new bundle-of-joy for the next 18 years (at least!). Understanding your partner’s money personality can be hugely helpful in navigating finances in a growing family.

Lee Hancox, Head of Channel and Segment Marketing at Sanlam, says that different money personalities can put your relationship to the test when a baby arrives.

Perhaps one parent is the Relaxed Planner – breezy, optimistic and trusting that “we’ll figure it out.” The other could be the Calculated Planner, with university fee spreadsheets set up before the baby can roll over.

“Both approaches come from love. But when it comes to planning for a child’s future, the stakes feel higher, and the emotional volume can rise.”

So how do you find the middle ground between free-spirited spontaneity and laser-focused structure?

Start with your shared non-negotiables

Start with your shared non-negotiables for your child. This is your foundation.

Education savings (in a form that’s realistic for you):You don’t need to have money for a medical degree mapped  out from the get-go, but you do need to commit to something. The sooner you start, the more the magic of compound interest can kick in.

Healthcare: Children are unpredictable. One day they’re giggling; the next they’re projectile vomiting in the back seat while you try to find the nearest emergency room. Having medical aid or a plan for healthcare expenses is a safeguard for your family’s health and wealth.

Wills, guardians, life cover, trusts and more: Make sure you have a plan for what happens if you both pass away, so your little one is fully financially protected.

Hancox adds, “Once these fundamentals are agreed, the rest becomes negotiable. Maybe one of you loves the latest branded baby gear and the other prefers to thrift. That’s solvable. But the foundation needs alignment.”

Talking about the millions of rands it may cost to educate a child can feel overwhelming – even paralysing. It’s one of the most emotive parts of parenting finances because it feels like a measurement of love and responsibility.

Whether you want to make sure your child’s first degree or diploma is covered, or you’re prioritising private schooling, the key is clarity. A financial adviser can help you understand the costs, explore your options, and start planning with confidence.

Don’t neglect your own future

Hancox says, “Your financial planning can’t only be about your child. You are still part of the picture. We often forget that planning for our financial independence is planning for our children’s future. It protects them from becoming the next sandwich generation.”

Values before budgets

A lot of money conflict comes down to values, not numbers. Getting to know your own money personality can help you to understand what matters most to you – and share these values with your partner.

It’s best to build a shared belief system around finances from the start of your relationship. As a couple, what is it you want? Then you build on this base as you have children. What is it you want to achieve as a family?

It comes down to having open, honest conversations: this is the value we stand for, and this is how we want to share it with our children.

To start the conversation, consider asking:

• What did money feel like in your childhood home?
• What do you want to repeat?
• What do you want to do differently?
• What lessons do you want your child to learn?

The Sanlam Financial Confidence Index shows that most people shy away from talking about money. As parents, you have the chance to change this by making these discussions part of your home.

If you’re struggling to find the middle ground, consider asking an expert. A financial adviser can help to removes feelings from the equation. It stops being each individual parent’s plan and becomes the child’s plan.

Then it’s about reviewing the plan regularly, and making sure each parent has defined responsibilities they are contributing towards as part of a shared plan. Then have consistent check-ins to make sure you’re both feeling fine and on track.

Get the family village on board

Your money values won’t exist in a vacuum. Enter: grandparents, aunties, uncles, friends with ‘just one more gift’. Have an honest conversation with your loved ones as well. Share the money lessons you’re hoping to impart and ask them to be onboard.

Hancox says, “You don’t need to stop the spoiling, but you can guide it. Instead of five toy hauls, maybe ask if a loved one can help buy summer clothes or contribute to a school fund or invest in a shared experience instead.”

Hancox adds, “Parenting is exhausting. If your partner orders three unnecessary baby rompers at 2am during a nightfeed, have grace. You’re both learning. You both want to be good parents.

“Finding balance is about building a shared foundation with a shared purpose – there’s room for both spontaneity and structure It’s about making decisions from values rather than emotion and revisiting the plan together regularly as your child grows.”

This post was based on a press release issued on behalf of Sanlam.