This Mother’s Day I will have been a mom for 20 years, as my son celebrates his 20^th birthday this week. Being under lockdown and living through COVID-19 has been a huge teaching and learning opportunity when it comes to raising our children to become responsible adults.

When you become a parent, you are faced with the reality that you have to form a value system in which you wish to raise your children. In a world that has become so increasingly materialistic and where people are judged, not on the content of their character, but on their exterior image, how do we raise children to be financially sensible and to appreciate how much they have?

Over the years I have had to find ways to steer my children through the inevitable peer pressure moments. I remember when my son turned 16, an acquaintance asked me “are you getting him an iPhone?” No, I did not buy my 16-year-old son a R16 000 phone, but the reality is that some of his friends do have iPhones. Then again ‒ some do not.

My son is not particularly brand conscious so it is not an issue, but if it was, that is the sort of thing he would have to buy himself. If I raised a child who believed that his whole social wellbeing depended on the type of cellphone he had, I would have failed my own value system.

Need vs want

Then again, my younger son once told me that he “needed” the latest PlayStation because the game he played at his friend’s house is only available on that platform and not on his Xbox. I just laughed and said “Really? Need?” Fortunately I did not launch into the “you spoilt child” speech that was forming in my mind because my son understood exactly what I meant. He understands the difference between “need” and “want” and why that matters.

I have found the best defence against so-called peer pressure and children’s demands is to bring them into the real world when it comes to money. Most children have no real idea of what things cost relative to the income coming into the family. They also have no idea of how much it costs just to live each month!

I don’t have all the answers and only time will tell if the financial education I impart on my children will bear fruit one day, but I have formed some sort of plan and value system and so far my children seem to be on board.

It’s OK to talk about money

We talk openly about money and finances. My children know we have a budget and what we are budgeting for.  For example, my sons know that this year our goal has been to replace our old car (and that we only buy cars for cash) so other luxuries will take a back seat.

We set limits on how much we will spend in total on birthdays, including the gift and party. We have always set limits on paid extra murals, so they have to choose carefully which extra murals they really want to do. They are hardly deprived, but setting limits creates the awareness that money is a finite resource and they have to make wise decisions on how it is spent.

The best way to learn is doing

My children received pocket money from a young age and through this they learnt to save up for things they wanted. Probably the best lesson they have learnt is that by the time they have saved for the item, they no longer want it – their interests are short-lived. As a result they have more money saved than they planned. As adults, too often we are still paying off our credit cards long after the enjoyment of the new purchase has faded.

What children really want is financial security

Living beyond your means in order to give your children a lifestyle you did not have, is not a gift. It is a burden. Believe me, I was raised in a household full of financial stress so I know that children can feel the stress in a household and it will create negative money memories for them so that in adulthood they may inadvertently repeat the pattern.

Showing your children you are in control of your finances is the best way to make them feel safe. Share with them how money in the household is allocated and allow them to have some input into the budget allocations. It will make them feel empowered and also make it easier to have the conversation around “wants” and “needs” and how they can work towards their “wants”.

Part of that security is making sure I have sufficient insurance in place to provide for them if I am unable to contribute to the family financially. I have also worked at putting away money for my retirement so that I do not have to depend on them in old age.

Leaving a legacy

My father died while I was young and we were left in financial dire straits. There was certainly no inheritance or financial legacy but I did still receive a good education. That was invaluable and has allowed me to build my own future.

We have one financial priority when it comes to our children and that is providing them with the best education we can afford. Afford, however, does not mean taking on debt or neglecting our savings. It means other financial sacrifices like not driving new financed cars.

To be a great mom is not about giving in to your child’s every desire, but is about teaching them financial independence and resilience. And that starts with being a role model.

Related:

• The best gift to give your children
• Talking to your child about money
• Creating a financially savvy kid
• It’s never too early to talk about money
• How to talk to your child about money
• Teach your child to save