Money conversations are hard. They are harder than conversations about sex or the in-laws. But there is seldom financial equality in a relationship, and this inequality often causes conflict.

The person who makes more money tends to have more power in the relationship ‒ unless there is a conscious effort to maintain a better balance of power. The person who has more money will often dominate the conversation and control the flow of the money.

Money can also be used as a tool of shaming, where one partner blames the other for not earning enough, thereby not allowing the family to maintain a desired standard of living.

Money is a powerful tool in a relationship, and we need to be very aware of it.

In this conversation ‒ that every woman should be having ‒ Maya and Andrea Carr share their money stories with financial planner Sunél Veldtman, founder of Foundation Family Wealth.

How does your upbringing affect your relationship with money and the financial conversations you have with your partner? How do you agree on a household budget – setting shared goals and making sure both partners’ wants and needs are met?

They discuss mistakes women make when it comes to the financial responsibilities they take on; why women may find that they are taking on credit card debt to keep up with the family expenses or skimp on their retirement and future needs to provide for the children.

This is part of a series of conversations where Maya speaks to Andrea about her experience of getting divorced which led her to question many of the decisions she made as a woman, as a mother and as a wife, when it came to her finances. It made her realise the importance of taking care of herself, instead of only taking care of her family.

It is important to note that while the idea for this series came from Andrea’s personal experience of getting divorced, this is not just about women or divorce. These conversations are relevant to anyone in a relationship especially when there are children involved. We want to understand how to navigate this space so that it feels fair – from a financial, physical and emotional perspective.

This is the second podcast in a four-part series in partnership with NinetyOne. Take a listen to the first episode here, and look out for the rest of this series in which we will be speaking to a fiduciary expert and a relationship therapist.